The Ethics of Care

If you are raising or have raised a teenager, you may have heard the common lament: “You don’t care.” In response, many parents instinctively try to prove that they do, pushing harder to demonstrate their love and concern. The problem is that if the recipient of care does not feel cared for, then—by definition—it is not a caring relationship. This highlights a fundamental difference between relational care and care as a virtue.

Compass to Care Consulting is grounded in the ethics of care, which emphasizes the importance of relationships and our inherent connection to others. Rather than viewing individuals in isolation, care ethics focuses on the interaction between the carer and the cared-for and how they work together to sustain meaningful support. In relational care, the carer listens attentively and responds to the needs of the cared-for, ensuring that care is not just offered but also received. Care must be both given and acknowledged—if it is not received, it does not fulfill the essence of care. Without this mutual recognition, a true caring relationship does not exist, no matter the carer’s effort. By actively listening and striving to understand the needs of the cared-for, the carer fosters a deeper, more meaningful connection that strengthens the foundation of care.

Think back to when that teenager was a baby. A baby cries—a behavior that signals distress to the parent. In response, the parent instinctively investigates, offering food, changing a diaper, or providing comfort through rocking or swaddling. The key is that the parent does not stop responding until the baby is soothed. They don’t simply place a bottle in the baby’s mouth, say “I love you,” and walk away while the baby continues crying. Yet, as children grow older, we often start doing just that. We assume we understand their concerns and act in their best interest—often out of love—without recognizing that they are still communicating distress. When teenagers express their struggles through behavior, they are often dismissed, ignored, or met with solutions that fail to acknowledge their emotional experience. Yes, we care—but if they do not feel cared for, the relationship is not meeting the threshold of true care.

The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, developed by Dr. Ross Greene, helps build true caring relationships by focusing on understanding and collaboration rather than control. CPS sees challenging behaviors as signs of lagging skills, not defiance. Instead of imposing consequences, it encourages listening to the child’s concerns, working together to find solutions, and ensuring they feel heard and valued. This approach strengthens trust and connection, making children more likely to engage and feel supported, while also teaching them problem-solving skills in a way that respects their autonomy and needs.

By combining the ethics of care and the CPS model, Compass to Care Consulting supports parents, educators, and professionals in shifting away from punitive, compliance-based approaches toward relational, compassionate problem-solving. When children and youth feel understood, included, and empowered, they are more likely to develop resilience, confidence, and stronger relationships with the adults in their lives. True care is about working together, building trust, and creating environments where all children feel safe, valued, and supported.